Why I hate Bugs

Well, I believe it was my sophomore year, and yes, I had those outside chores to do. The attempt was being made to grow grass in the front and back yards. The front yard was fairly small, and had sprinklers, but they had to be turned on/off manually, and you had to watch how long they ran. Same in the backyard, but you were watering dirt patches more than anything else there. We were also trying to grow bushes and a couple trees in the front yard, One of my chores was to water the bushes and trees every Mon, Wed, Fri after school. It was a pain in the ass because the bushes ran along one side of the property, then around the front by the sidewalk, and would take forever for a teenager to get done (about 20-30 minutes actual).

So this one particular day I am in a hurry to get this chore done. I don't remember why. Maybe some television show was coming on I wanted to watch, who knows. I am out there in my bare feet, hose in hand, over by the side watering the bushes one by one, when I feel something tickle the top of my foot. It was a mild sensation, and my mind being elsewhere than watching what I am doing, I thought it was just some of the water splashing. After I had shifted a couple bushes I fell it now on top of both feet, and I determine it shouldn't be the water. I glance down, and damn near jumped straight on top of the roof!

My feet were coated with bugs! I don't mean little bugs like tiny ants, or aphids - we are talking large mutant ladybug-looking creatures!! Yes! Ladybug-like mutants! They were about 1 ½ inches long, and had their backs colored a rust-orange with black spots, and antenna that they could use to radio to the moon. There legs were black and reminded me of grasshopper legs, how they grip a bit to hang on to anything.

I dropped the hose, and moved faster than sound in wiping them off my feet. Just as I shivered thinking about how I was lucky to get them off before they bit me, I remembered the hose was still running and it wasn't on the bushes. I went to reach for the hose and saw the ground. I looked forward, left, then right, then straight down at my feet. I was surrounded by these bugs by about 4 feet to either side, and as far forward as the back fence (about 10 yards). They literally blanketed the ground, and they were starting to crawl on my feet again.

With a yell that broke sound monitoring equipment three counties over, I ran for the house. I ran to the backyard and on that side of the property, there was a mass of them back there as well, covering about 6 feet wide swath through the side of the yard, and over the shed. No where in the yard did I see them but that one side. At this point I am scared shitless since I have no clue if they are poisonous, if they bite, are they in the house?! I put on some boots and run to shut off the hose, taking big steps across the bugs and moving as fast as possible. Back inside I call Mom. She is getting ready to leave work and will check it out when she gets home. I am hoping I can survive until then.

Mom comes home and she has no clue what they are either. Same with the step-dad. They placed a call to the pest control company (who sprayed our place every 2 weeks). The guy that came out, our regular service guy, had no clue what they were either. So he takes a few for samples to send over to ASU's entomology dept (bug teachers). Within 48 hours we found out all about them bugs.

Seems they are not poisonous, and they migrate in these huge groups. Their migratory path is in a straight line, but what makes this line stay straight no one knows. They eat vegetation and should be out of our area within a week. Not near fast enough for me. Sure enough, within a few days they had migrated out the backyard and over to the next property along the way. They didn't damage the lawn like I thought they might, in fact you couldn't tell they had been there. Except for my Mom, to whom making fun of me for being scared of a few bugs was just the funniest thing. To this day I cannot stand any type of bug longer than like an inch. They freak me out.