Them's two important things in my life ...

Many people around me – friends, co-workers, etc. – have been talking to me a lot in the last year. My wife has brought up the topic, and we have semi-seriously discussed it. I even almost called and got it. But I didn’t. Why? Because I am scared. Yeah, I know. It’s not that big a thing to get – but I am yellow-bellied when it comes to even thinking about it. Vasectomy.

I have four wonderful children that my wife and I are very happy to have brought into the world. Fortunately, between the two of us, we do live comfortably even with the costs so far in raising the kids. They have necessities they need and lots of extras, food, roof over their heads, clothing, etc, etc. Do I want more? I always answer with an emphatic “Hell no!” So why don’t I call the doc and have him do the snip-snip?

I get goose pimples just thinking about it. Snip. Snip. So … final. So easy and quick. Even sounds almost painless. And I have been assured it isn’t as painful as one would think. But each time I get serious about it, that thought runs through my head …

“d00d, that’s your balls they are cutting off.”

Remember when we were younger boys, I am thinking like 3-4 years of age, and the two most funniest things in the world were farts, and some unfortunate guy getting hit/kicked/damaged in the ‘nads. As we grew older, being like 1st grade for me, we actually made effort to get the other guy, before he got you. “What’s the capital of Thailand?” “Bangkok!” Whammy!!! We never heard about ruptures. We only knew it would hurt for a bit, and while you laid there groaning, holding your nuts, you did nothing but swore merciless revenge in the same kind of punishment to that guy that got you. And if you were the lucky one that got the other guy, you had like minutes of pure laughing freedom.

So now I am thinking, yeah, it’s not like getting hit there; they are not physically removing your testicles. It is simply a couple supply lines being cut and tied off to prevent them anxious and fertile soldiers from doing any possible adventures. Sounds like a good idea. What’s the pro’s about it?

- Don’t have to worry about safe sex to prevent pregnancy.
- It is not major surgery – usually out patient
- Insurance covers it
- Fairly painless procedure.

What are the con’s?
- No more children unless you adopt

So we see Pro’s outnumber the Con’s. But there are questions still – like, will I be like a dog and lose the urge to have sex? Not that I get it often as it is…. But still! Why do I have to do it? I know it is more of an operation for the wife to have it done, but why me?

I am going to have to do a lot more thinking about this thing. I know the Wife is going to be bringing it up in conversation soon. She usually does about every 3 months. I usually get her to drop the subject by saying one simple phrase….

“So if I ain’t gotta worry about getting you pregnant, then I could fuck around and not have to worry about that with any woman… hmmm, this is thinkable.”

Of course, she responds, “You do, you die.”

Yeah, gonna think about this one for awhile.